I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My vagina is officially offended.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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