I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
