Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
