Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
