you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
