Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
