Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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