I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
