You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
