i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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