So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
