Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
