please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
