my being single is dangerous.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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