At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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