I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
