So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
