You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
