It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
pray to the hookup gods
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
