Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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