turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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