Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
