coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
