what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
