I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
