somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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