So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he fucked my hip out of place.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
