Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
