Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
