I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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