remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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