Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
