totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
And then my night got REAL pukey
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
