I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
