My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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