you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
