rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
