you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
