New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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