im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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