their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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