I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
