'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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