is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
