and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You need a sexual gate keeper
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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