The maid of honor just puked.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
