everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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