i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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