at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
