.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
